Wednesday, 10 July 2013

The Bachelor Chronicles, Part Deux

My Beautiful Wife has seen fit to leave me to my own devices again; she has taken a week vacation with her sister (and more importantly withOUT ME), and so the rather rapid descent into madness begins...

Day 1 of Bachelor Captivity:

I have been trying to keep myself busy to stay out of trouble. I learned some valuable lessons about so-called "down-time" when My Beautiful Wife left on vacation without me last fall; namely, that for me it would be more accurate to call it "Extremely-Alarming-Downward-Spiral-Time".

I woke up this morning with an idea: I am going to start a side business! I researched good business models, emerging markets and current stock trends. Then I completely disregarded all of that and landed on a winner:

Black Market Second-Hand Furbys.

The Pros:
1. Seeing as how they are second-hand, they are relatively easy to acquire!
2. Low initial startup costs.
3. Sustainability. There are a TON of these things out there that were purchased during the great Furby Gold Rush of 1998-2000. There were over 40 million sold during that period, so as I stated earlier, getting a hold of old and broken ones should be a snap.

The Cons:
1. They are second hand and most often broken, being sometimes over 14 years old.
2. They are not easy to fix. I would have to learn basic robotics. And possibly Furbish (see below).
3. They only speak Furbish, with a smattering of English. I would have a hard time overcoming the language barrier to find them placement in a good home.
4. The black market. I just saw the movie Contraband last night, and those guys mean business. Apparently they all look and act like a cracked-out version of Giovanni Ribisi and are seriously crazy, assuming Marky-Mark movies are all totally true.
5. Just look at them- they are terrifying. It is like looking into a furry Abyss. They are genuinely creepy little gremlin-hamster-owl hybrids that blink slowly at you and try to steal your soul, and that is not okay.


Part of me feels that based on the pro and con lists, I should rethink this. The other part thinks that I already paid for the first shipment, and once you're IN, there's no getting out...

I'll let you know how it goes.

"Come play with us! Forever, and ever, and ever, and ever..."

*shudder*


Sincerely, 
Jared